


How Do I Move Forward?

by brokenpromisesandhope



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Disability, F/M, Future Fic, Homophobia, M/M, Soilder!Ian, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-10 08:28:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2018052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenpromisesandhope/pseuds/brokenpromisesandhope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey goes to the Kash and Grab one day and sees a little girl behind the counter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic and then went to the store and the same thing happened to me. (Except she didn't look up from her Ipad and her dad was mean.)  
> Kudos/comments will get a second more in depth view of this verse!!  
> Xx  
> T  
> 10-15-15: I am working on this right now!!!!

Mickey walks into the Kash and Grab and goes immediately to the coolers in the back. It used to burn him going there, the whole place reeked of him and Ian and young and stupid and gay, but it's right down the street from his apartment and Linda always kept her prices fair. 

He grabs a six pack, a can of BBQ pringles and a kit kat, heading to the counter. He's shocked, when the only person behind it, is a little girl. She's got light red hair, freckles and wide hazel eyes. She's sucking on a popsicle and staring at Mickey. He tilts his head and stares at her curiously, wondering why she looks so familiar and where the hell Linda is. 

"I'm Sophia!" The girl chirps. "Who are you?"   
Mickey looks around the store, before realizing they're the only ones in the store.   
"Um, "   
"What's your name?" Her mouth is smeared with red popsicle juice.   
"Mickey."   
"I like that name! It's like Mickey Mouse." She pauses, "Not that I watch Mickey Mouse! I'm a big girl! I'm four!" She holds up four sticky fingers and Mickey fights back a grin. 

"Sometimes mommy let's me watch grown up shows with her." She nods her head at Mickey. "I'm not even lying. Because you can't lie. Did you ever hear the story of the boy who lied about the wolfy and then nobody believed him and then," She looks around, before leaning closer to Mickey and whispering, "He died."   
"Isn't that the boy who cried wolf?"   
Sophia nods in realization, and reaches over to pat Mickey's hand,   
"You're so smart Mickey." She says seriously. 

He laughs because this kid is ridiculous. She resumes sucking on her popsicle, hand still on Mickey's. She gestures for him to put his other hand on the counter, which he does. He watches her face scrunch as she tries to read his tattoo.   
"Isn't that a bad word?" She asks accusingly.   
"Um, yeah." Mickey replies sheepishly.   
"Aren't tattoos forever and ever?"   
Mickey nods. 

"Well then why would you get a bad word silly?!"   
"I wanted to upset my mom and dad."   
"Well I'm sure they're not mad anymore! My daddy forgives me for everything. He even forgave me when I flushed his watch down the toilet."   
A trigger flashes in Mickey's brain but he says nothing.   
"He cried for three days! And said it was really special to him, but it was okay because I didn't mean to. So I'm sure your mommy and daddy aren't mad anymore!" She says reassuringly. 

Sophia jumps away from him, when a yelling comes from the back.   
"Sophia!"   
"In here Daddy!"   
"You're supposed to stay in back while I'm unpacking the trunk."   
"We are having a talk Daddy!" Sophia calls back sassily.   
"With who?" The guy calls loudly.   
"Mickey Mouse who has fuck tattoo!" She screams back. 

The guy comes around the corner, carrying a box and Mickey can't breathe. There's Ian fucking Gallagher, not looking a day over twenty, biceps slick and bulging as he sets the box on the ground.   
"What the fuck?" He asks, staring at Mickey.   
"You're alive?" Is the first thing Mickey thinks to ask.   
"Um, yeah." He says slowly, as if he doesn't understand why Mickey would ask that. 

"Oh. Apparently you were just too busy to respond to any of my letters."   
Ian sighs, eyes locked on Mickey as if he's trying to memorize how he'd changed over the years.   
"Shit," Ian rubs a hand over his face. "Things got complicated."   
Mickey glances over at Sophia, then back at Ian.   
"Yeah no shit." His eyes narrow, "You fuck girls now?"   
Ian doesn't say anything and Mickey lets out a laugh.   
"After everything, all the shit you gave me, you fucked a girl and knocked-" 

"Enough!" Ian barks. "Have you ever heard of bisexuality?"   
Mickey laughs again,   
"Ian you've known you liked dick since you were fifteen years old! You're not fucking bisexual."   
"When I got kicked out of the army I was really fucked up-"   
"Did she heal you with her vagina? " Mickey yells.   
Ian says nothing, but Mickey isn't done yet.   
"Well shit Ian. I've had a lot but I've never had magic pussy." 

"Don't you dare!"   
"Don't I dare what? What Ian? Tell me."   
"You weren't gonna come out!"   
"Don't you pull that shit on me! You knew who my dad was! You saw what he did with Svetlana!"   
"It's not like you ever had to see her again! You should have stood up for me! For us!"   
"See this is how I know you don't know what the fuck you're talking about! She got pregnant and I had to marry her!" 

"You're a pussy!" Ian screams.   
Mickey grabs Ian by the collar of his shirt and slams him into the wall.   
"Don't fucking call me that! You think you know everything, you don't know shit! I came out last year! The guy I was fucking with was getting antsy, Lana was always on my ass, I got sick of it. Couldn't have been a worse place, it was at Yevgeny's christening but I was just tired of it, I'd already lost you so what more could I lose? Long story short, the baby got caught in the middle. We're struggling to teach him to say a full sentence and he's almost six. And that's on me." 

Ian's eyes look suspiciously wet,   
"I didn't-"   
"I know, you didn't know. Exactly. You don't get to judge me or my choices for fixing things once you left! You left, you walked away, not me! If you don't like it, that's too fucking bad."   
"Mickey-"   
Mickey shoves him harder against the wall, wincing when he hears his head crack.   
"Don't. I'm done with you. I wish you would go back to wherever the hell you came from. I hate you." He seethes. He meets Ian's eyes, "I fucking hate you." His voice quivers just a bit. 

Mickey backs away and snatches his stuff off the counter.  
"Have a good life Gallagher! I know I will." 

He's halfway to his apartment when he realizes he didn't pay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically a filler with a cliff hanger because I'm an asshole.   
> Comment/kudos for more!!   
> Xx  
> T

When Mickey gets into his apartment he slams the door and beats against it with his fists,   
"Motherfucker! Shit. Shit." He gains control of himself after a few moments, leaning against the door and breathing hard.   
"M-mad." A small voice says. 

Mickey turns around and sure enough there's Yevgeny, sitting in his wheel chair in front of the tv.   
"No buddy I'm not mad." He soothes, walking towards him.   
"W-word."   
Mickey nods,   
"I know, I said a bad word, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's just other stuff, not you alright?"   
Yevgeny raises and eyebrow and Mickey hands him the kit kat. It sits on his lap until Mickey remembers and undoes the packaging, handing him a stick in each hand. 

Yevgeny gives him a small smile and slowly but steadily gets the chocolate to his mouth. He let's out a happy noise as he takes as bite and Mickey fights back tears. After as few moments it becomes too much strain for Yev to hold his arm up, so he lowers it to his lap, watching cartoons on tv and unknowing to Mickey's breakdown. 

"Wanna watch Friends buddy? I know mama doesn't like you to watch it but it will be our little secret."   
Yevgeny makes a happy noise and Mickey changes the channel, making sure Yev's concentrated on the tv before he buries his face in his hands and cries. 

He cries for quite a bit, until Yevgeny makes a disgruntled noise and Mickey sees that friends is over. He had bought Yevgeny all ten seasons awhile ago, because it actually makes him laugh, as opposed to the cartoons where he just stares smiling, but he's too lazy to put them in at the moment. He changes the channel back to cartoons and Yev makes a pleased noise. 

He can't speak in full sentences, but he knows quite a few words. If it's just Mickey or Svetlana he doesn't talk very much, preferring broken sign language or noises. The doctor had explained that it's fairly hard for him to concentrate on what he wants to say and then translate so they can understand him. He may not be able to talk but he can understand quite a bit of what they say to him. 

Mickey wipes at his eyes and sniffles, trying to get himself under control before Yev turns to him and wipes his eyes. He's frowning,  
"I'm fine buddy. It was just an interesting trip to the store yeah?"   
Yevgeny stares at him, eyes wide,   
"I just saw an old friend. You don't know him, he left before you were born. That makes daddy really old."   
Yevgeny shakes his head a tiny bit,   
"Yes it does you goon. I don't even wanna tell you how old I'll be! Like an old man!" 

Yevgeny smiles and offers Mickey a bite of the mostly melted chocolate, but his little arm is shaking with the effort it takes to hold it up and Mickey takes a messy bite. Yev laughs and points to the chocolate on his teeth. 

"Alright, I'm getting hungry for dinner aren't you?" Svetlana mostly works nights so for the most part it's just the two of them for dinner. Mickey had given in and stuck a disc of friends in the tv and walked into the kitchen, trying to find something for them to eat. He wasn't a big cook, but sometimes he could be bothered enough to make spaghetti. Today however, was not one of those nights. He sipped a beer and went through the cupboards.   
"Alright, our options are macaroni and chicken nuggets, pizza or cheese roll ups!" 

On nights that weren't bath night, Mickey tried to pick foods that were easy for Yevgeny to eat by himself, rather than Mickey having to feed him with a fork or a spoon. On those days, even if it was Yevgeny's favorite like chili, he got annoyed or frustrated that either Mickey or Lana had to feed him and that he couldn't do it himself. He'd end up spitting the food back at them or purposely making even more of a mess than needed. He ended up with food on his face, in his hair, on his clothes and all over whoever was feeding him.

He was a lot like Mickey in that way, stubborn and he liked to do it himself, even if he ended up exhausted later, arms sore, and crying. Taking care of Yevgeny was extremely hard, but once you learned his tells, it was easy.   
"Do you care what we eat Yev?" Mickey calls, opening the fridge and taking out a can of pedisure. He mixes the can of chocolate protein drink with full fat milk for Yev, before pouring it into a sippy cup. He's meant to drink a can a day, but Svetlana mostly forgets, seeing as he doesn't like it much. 

When he gets into the living room Yev is frowning at the sippy cup. Mickey sets it on the tray connected to the wheelchair and no sooner than he sets it down, Yev knocks it off.   
"Really?" Mickey asks, picking the sippy cup up and setting it down. Yev growls and knocks it off again, harder.   
"Yevgeny." Mickey says firmly. "That is enough. You need to drink this."   
"No." He says angrily. 

"The doctor said it's going to help you get stronger. Remember, it's going to help your bones? So you can write, and eat all by yourself."   
Yevgeny pouts, but the sippy cup remains on the tray.   
"Tell you what, if you drink that then we'll order your favorite cinnamon sticks okay?"   
Yev smiles and Mickey takes that as a win, going to place the order.   
Yevgeny sips his drink, and they watch an episode and a half before the pizza guy comes. 

The doorbell rings and Mickey grabs his wallet and heads to the door. He can hear Yev coming up behind him, he loves to hand the money to the pizza guy. Mickey opens the door and standing there is not the pizza guy.   
"Motherfucker."


	3. Chapter 3

"Mickey with the fuck tattoo!" Sophia cries in surprise.   
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Mickey demands, glaring at Ian. Ian bites his lip and thrusts his arms out, holding a box of pizza and cinnamon sticks.   
"The pizza girl was about eight months pregnant, I didn't think she should be walking up five flights of stairs."   
"There's an elevator." Well technically it's a service elevator located near the trash chute at the back of the apartment complex that the building supervisor allowed Yevgeny unlimited access to. But still. It was there and there were signs. 

"I didn't-"   
"What the hell are you even doing here anyway?"  
"I-"   
"Are you stalking me? Did you follow me? Why are you here?" He asks angrily. He feels cornered and vulnerable in his own house, he doesn't want Ian looking at anyone or anything, especially not Yevgeny. Who is still at his side, money clutched tightly in his hand, eyeing the pizza. 

"No I'm not stalking you! I happen to live in this building thank you. I just happened to see a pregnant woman struggling so I tried to help. You're not that important." He spits. They engage in long heated eye contact, until it's broken by Sophia.   
"Hi! I'm Sophia!" She's waving at Yevgeny.  
"Yevgeny." Yevgeny says slowly.   
"Why do you talk like that? What is this thing? Is it a space ship? Can I try?" She grabs the lever that directs the movement of Yevgeny's chair and she jumps back when he jolts forward. 

"Don't touch that!" Mickey snaps, steadying Yev. "You okay bud?"   
Yevgeny jerks his head a bit and Sophia bounces towards him again,   
"But that is so so cool! Oh wow! I want one! Daddy can I get a spaceship? You don't talk much do you?" She glances at Yev who stares at her. "That's okay! You can listen to me talk! Are you okay?" 

Ian seems to have found his voice,   
"Sophia that's not a spaceship. It's a wheelchair because he can't move his legs."   
"Well why?"   
"Because sometimes people's bones don't grow right, or they have accidents."   
"Does he have to be in it forever?" Sophia asks, turning to Ian, eyes wide.   
"Soph, let's talk about this at home alright?"   
"But-"   
"It's not a discussion." He hands Mickey the pizza, which he goes to set on the counter. 

Yevgeny smiles at Ian and Ian watches in sympathy as he raises an arm a bit, the muscles shaking and hands him a twenty dollar bill. He wants to reach out and meet him halfway, but he gets the feeling he's not supposed to do that. He takes the money from Yevgeny, and smiles.   
"Thank you. I'm Ian by the way."   
"Y-Y-Yev."   
Ian reaches out to shake his hand,   
"It's nice to meet you, Yev." 

"What are you doing?" Mickey asks angrily, storming back into the room.   
"I was just introducing myself-"   
"Do not ever put your hands on him again. Get out."   
Ian wants to protest, to reach out and tell Mickey something that would be of comfort because he's shaking, but Yev is staring at his father with wide concerning eyes, and Ian decides he needs to go. 

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again. I didn't mean any harm or anything. Sophia let's go."   
"But Daddy-"   
"Now Sophia."   
"Okay." She says quietly, walking over to her dad and taking his hand. "Bye!" She says waving happily.   
"Bye." Yev says, as Mickey shuts the door. 

It takes Mickey a few minutes to move once Ian and Sophia leave, and eventually he heads back into the kitchen.   
"If you eat all of your pizza then you can have a cinnamon stick."   
Yev nods, and wheels himself to the table.   
"Are you pretty hungry?"   
"A little." Yev whispers as Mickey sets bite sized pizza pieces on a paper plate in front of him.   
"You wanna eat by yourself?"   
Yevgeny nods slightly and Mickey sits across from him, and starts eating his pizza. 

Mickey's finished two pieces of pizza, and got up to grab a third by the time Yevgeny's eaten about five pieces.   
"Do you want some help?" He asks gently, as Yev roughly shakes his head.   
"Okay buddy, calm down." He sets his pizza down and walks over towards Yevgeny. His blue eyes are filled with tears and there's smears of pizza sauce on his mouth.   
"If you let me help you-"   
Yevgeny shakes his head again and tries to push his plate off the table, but he can't manage enough strength so it just kind of slides. 

"It's okay to ask for help. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't want you to be sore." He tries to make his voice steady, but he's just as frustrated as Yev, and he kneels on the floor in front of Yevgeny's wheelchair. "You want some cinnamon sticks now?"   
Yevgeny doesn't say anything or make any gesture, he just uses the knob on his chair to go back to his room. 

Mickey sits there, on the dining room, on his knees, for a long time. In fact he doesn't move until he feels a light touch on his shoulder.  
"Hard day?" Svetlana asks gently.   
"You have no idea."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this isn't good enough to have you kept waiting for over a year- but I'm trying.

"So he's back?" She asks, pouring Mickey a glass of wine.  
"Apparently so."   
"You thought he was dead for a long time, didn't you?"   
"Well yeah." Mickey takes a long sip of the wine. "I mean my letters never got answered, neither did my gifts. Then the letters got sent back and I thought the worst. I mean he was in the fucking army."   
"I know, I know. But maybe he wanted it to be over." 

"He didn't. I mean, things were left kind of messy but, I mean if he'd just read any of the letters-"   
"Maybe he was tired of waiting."   
Mickey sighs, finishing his glass of wine,  
"Maybe."   
***  
"Mickey?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Do you love me?"  
"What is with you and asking these stupid fucking questions?"  
"It's not," Ian stammers, "It's a valid question."   
Mickey sighs,   
"I don't,"  
"Let me make this easier for you, I love you. I have loved you since we started this and I'm going to love you when you end it."   
"Why do I have to be the one who would end it?"   
"Because you don't want to tell anyone about this, because we have to hide, because you can't tell me that you love me."   
"Not everyone can just, wear their heart on their sleeves Ian."   
"And not all of us can fuck without or feelings suffocating us, but I try goddammit." Ian pushes off the ground and walks away. Mickey doesn't go after him.   
***

"Daddy why was that boy in a spaceship?"   
"Sophia, I told you, it is called a wheelchair."  
"Well spaceship sounds cooler." Sophia pouts.   
"It is not supposed to sound cool." Ian snaps, pouring some noddles into a pot of boiling water. "It is to help him move around because he cannot walk. Do you understand that? He can't walk! So it's not cool that he has to have something to help him accomplish even the most basic of movements."   
Sophia stares down at the dolls she had been playing with,   
"Daddy? How do you know Mickey with the fuck tattoo?" 

"Jesus Christ Sophia! Stop swearing! You know better. Go to your room!" Ian shouts, dumping the can of pasta sauce into a pan.  
"I hate you!" Sophia screams, storming to her room.  
"I hate me too." Ian mutters.

***  
Mickey shows up at the Kash and Grab with a knot on his head, a bloody lip and a limp.  
"What the hell happened to you?" Ian asks, coming around from behind the counter, to lightly feel the bump on his head. Mickey hisses, but doesn't pull away. In fact he doesn't say anything, just leans into Ian.   
"Alright babe, come on Mick, I've got you." 

Ian flips the sign on the door and locks it, leading Mickey to the back. He helps Mickey get on a table and then grabs a bag of pizza rolls to put on his head,   
"It's going to be okay Mickey. You're gonna get out of there and it's going to be okay." He says soothingly. He knows it's bad because Mickey usually pushes him away and swears at him now, but he just leans into Ian's touch when he rubs his shoulders. Ian eventually tries to move away- his back is killing him- when Mickey honest to god whimpers. 

He pulls Ian back, fingers digging into Ian's wrists,   
"Please. Please." He lets go of Ian's wrists and grabs at his shirt, whipping it over his head. Ian wants to puke at the bruises blossoming over his torso. He leans back, shivering at the cold of the table, hands at his sides, wide eyes on Ian.   
"What do you want?" Ian whispers.   
"I can't, I can't say it, Ian please." Mickey says distressed.   
Ian runs his fingers down Mickey's chest lightly, one hand reaching to unbutton his pants,   
"You're fine baby. You're okay. You're safe." Ian presses a kiss to Mickey's cheek. 

Ian doesn't get undressed, just leans over Mickey, and murmurs into his ear and kisses his face. Little things like, "you're safe" "I love you so much" "you're so strong" "Mickey you're going to get out soon" as he strokes Mickey to a quick orgasm. As soon as Mickey shoots all over his fingers, Ian feels something wet touch his lips when he kisses Mickey's cheek,   
"Oh don't cry. Please don't cry. Please don't cry baby. I love you so much too. Don't cry."   
"I can't." Mickey finally chokes, pulling Ian down on top of him, fingers curling into Ian's shoulders. 

"What? You can't what?" Ian asks, smoothing a hand over Mickey's hair.   
"I can't cause, I, I think I love you." Mickey chokes out, voice thick with tears. 

***   
Ian shakes out of his daydream when he feels tugging on his leg,   
"Yes honey?"  
"I don't hate you. But you are being mean."   
"I know sweetie, I'm sorry, daddy is just having a hard day."   
"Why?"   
"Because Mickey and I were old friends and it's hard when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time."   
"Did Mickey give you that watch that I ruined?"  
Ian swallows hard,   
"Yes Sophia, now wash up for dinner." 

***   
It cost five hundred dollars, the watch and the engraving. He hadn't known what to have put on the back. Didn't know if Ian would even want anything. He'd settled for simple, for what came to mind as he was sitting in the stuffy jewelry shop, people staring at him like he didn't belong- which he didn't.   
I'll be waiting when you come home.   
Love Mick


End file.
